Thursday, November 19, 2009

Depression, day 2

I've been doing this 3-4 times a year for the last 25 years or so.  I know the feelings.  I know the thoughts.  I know the patterns.

Normally on the first day of a depression I stay up late watching a movie or something--trying to avoid thinking about myself.  Going to bed early, or even at my normal time, leads to lying there and thinking about myself and feeling more depressed.  Then I sleep in and do as little as possible on day two.  My eating and sleeping cycle gets out of sync with the rest of the world, and I spend more than the normal amount of time alone.

When the depression ebbs, usually after 3-6 days, I will go to bed early and then get up and shave and go back to normal life.

I stayed up a little late last night, but decided not to start a movie at bedtime.  Thankfully I was able to go to sleep relatively quickly.  I set my alarm and got up before seven.  I shaved.  I ate breakfast at the normal time.  I'm trying to break the normal patterns to see if I can get through this episode more quickly.  We'll see.

At the moment the dogs are howling, but they are still outside.  The rain has started, but there is still light outside and inside.  I'm a little optimistic that this will pass more smoothly and more quickly than most of my blue moods.

Now I'm going to try to get some work done.

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