Best news I've read today

Scottish researchers have destroyed cancerous tumors using a new genetic tool.  This is still limited to lab results, but it sure sounds promising.

Alternative forms of taxation

Our tax system is broken.  It is too complicated.  There are too many loopholes.  The time cost for each person and business to fill out their paperwork is too high.  The time cost for the government to validate all of that paperwork is too high.  The enforcement costs are too high.

There are rumors of overhauls coming.  I think that some type of major change is inevitable.  Unfortunately there are few good ideas floating around.

I remember seeing an article that Megan wrote up about an alternative form of taxation that really interested me. I searched this morning and couldn't find it.  I think it was during the 2008 election cycle.  I'll have to do this by memory, and you can make up the details for yourself.

One of the core tenets of tax policy is that whatever you tax you get less of.  If you tax income you get smaller paychecks.  If you tax purchases you get less shopping.  If you tax cigarettes you get less smoking.  Etc.  That makes it difficult to predict how much revenue a tax will generate because of this effect.  If you have $1M in spending, and you tax that spending at 10%, then you will generate less than $100,000 in tax revenue because there will be less than $1M in spending after the tax goes into effect.

I'm not concerned with calculating the revenue amounts.  There are experts who can do that.  I think that we should start our tax planning with the idea that we want to tax something that we want to reduce.  Don't tax income or spending; because you want more of those, not less.  Don't tax employment.  Don't tax charitable contributions.

So what do we want less of?
* Resource usage
* Pollution
* Trash
* Crime
* Alcohol, tobacco, firearms, pornography (maybe)
* Banks that are too big to fail
* Predatory lending
* Overpaid CEOs and board members
* CDOs (maybe)

What else?

Megan's article only talked about resource usage taxes as an alternative to income/spending/employment taxes.  There was a dead economist who had made his reputation on this proposal, and I think that the green forces were picking up his book again.  The idea there was to have taxes on things like water usage, sewage treatment, trash disposal, land use, mineral use, etc., instead of having income tax, payroll tax, sales tax, etc.  There are a few big advantages to this idea:
* Lower collection enforcement costs.
-- Many of these taxes could be collected automatically, like on water bills.
-- The non-automatic taxes (like land-use taxes) would be straight-forward recurring bills.
* Local job creation.
-- The jobs of measuring and collecting taxes would have to be close to the resources, so inspectors can visit, etc.
* Better/faster dispute resolution.
-- Local officials are more responsive than distant ones.
-- In-person meetings and on-site inspections can get to the truth of a situation better than long-distance phone calls.

There is no reason why these taxes could not be progressive.  For instance, the first 200 gallons (per month) of water are tax free.  The second 200 gallons are taxed at $0.10 per gallon.  The third 200 gallons are taxed at $0.15 per gallon.

There are certainly many detail issues that would need to be worked out.  Well water used for agriculture within a certain distance from the well should probably be tax free.  Or something like that.  I'm sure that there are many factories that use lots of water, and that have multiple sources of water.  We would need to debate and figure out what the right answer is for those.

But those rules would need to be kept simple and consistent.  No loopholes.  No exemptions for one state, congressional district, or industry.

If this had been put in place during the Civil War (instead of the income tax) then I think we could operate without an income tax.  Since we already have taxes on income, payroll, etc., then we will need a plan to transition.  That probably means that we add these taxes in low amounts, and then phase over by turning up these rates and turning down the rates on the older taxes.

If we had a functional Congress that wasn't entirely beholden to special interests then this is something that would work.  As it is, we'll have to get along with whatever the special interests dream up for us, until our next revolution.

Hacking Windows startup

I got Corel's PaintShop Pro X2 for Christmas.  I really like it.  I hit a bug with it the other day.  I couldn't figure it out and had to contact their technical support.  I got a good answer from them in about 24 hours.  I learned a new Windows trick from their answer.

http://corel.custhelp.com/app/answers/detail/a_id/762232

You can use the msconfig utility in Windows to control which applications start when Windows starts.  This used to all be controlled by the Startup folder on the Start menu.  Now apparently there is this additional layer where software can register and get started.

I turned off the Google Updater, Adobe Updater, Apple Updater, and a few other services/applications that I just don't need running in the background all the time.  Much cleaner.  I like that.  Fewer things running means fewer variables to troubleshoot when something goes wrong.  This is Windows, after all.  Something always goes wrong.

Looking for a job

I have lots of stuff I am doing and want to do.  My wife and kids have been great about tightening the budget while I am in transition.  But the frustrations are starting to build.

I'm a software guy.  I get software.  I like software.  I enjoy turning ideas into requirements, and requirements into design.  I love testing and tweaking.  I love the power that good software has to become a force multiplier and dramatically change the way that the world works.

But I don't have a traditional software background.  My degree is a BA in Christian Ministry.  In a hiring market where there are hundreds of qualified resumes for every position, that degree is a serious hindrance.

My personal projects are all either outright Christian/spiritual (Pray with Friends) or at least public service oriented (the Hiring Survey, Democracy 2.0.)  During a time of prayer the other day I had the idea* that I might should look specifically at Christian organizations that either develop software or that could use websites/software in their work.

(* I'm hesitant to say that God gave me this idea, even though it did come during a time of prayer.  I've had experiences where I was sure that God said "go", and I felt comfortable going in His name.  This was not one of those times.  This was more gentle.  It seemed like it came from within, as opposed to above.  But if it gets me where He wants me to go, then He will get the credit....)

There are a whole lot of different things that I could do for a Christian organization.  That's been part of my problem with the job search so far.  I'm a generalist in a specialist market.  But here are a few ideas:
* I could lead in the design and development of software systems (web sites, applications, iPhone apps, etc.).
* I could help clients (churches, grant-recipient organizations, etc.) implement a software system (or systems).
* I could manage a development team, implementation team, or support team.

I would enjoy designing a Bible study site where people could "vote" on interpretations and discuss applications of specific verses.

I could fold PrayWithFriends.org into an existing ministry--it would make a great addition to most any Christian community site.

I'm going to catalog a list of companies that I think might be good targets.  I'll update the list as I find new ones.  I'd appreciate any organizations that you might know of.

I am not comfortable raising my own support.  I know several people who do it, including a few family members and close friends.  I'm happy for them and have no trouble supporting them (when I'm able.)  But that is just not my personality.  So I'm looking for a salary-type staff position, not a raise-your-own-support position.  If an organization only works in the raise-your-own-support mode then I'll cross them off.

Para-church organizations:
Focus on the Family (pinged one contact)
Crosswalk.com
Campus Crusade (pinged one contact)
Youth with a Mission
Navigators (pinged one contact)
Gideons
Wycliffe (raise-your-own-support only?)
Jaars (raise-your-own-support only?)
Samaritan's Purse
Disciples Portal.com
GodTube / Tangle
LifeChurch
YouVersion.com/


Church management software:
ACS Technologies
Power Church Software
Church Windows Software
Church Soft
Church Community Builder
Servant PC
Church Pro
Logos Church Management Software
CCIS Church Management Software
Fellowship Technologies
Interaction We Gather.com
Service U for Churches
Helpmate Technology Solutions
iChurch
By the Book
Faithful Steward
Last Days Software
Shelby Inc.



Bible software:
Bible Explorer
Biblesoft
e-Sword
Logos
Bible Study Pro
OliveTree
Bible Works
Theophilos
Quickverse
the Word Bible Software
Crosswire
Word Search
Laridian


What others am I missing?

Can you tell me something interesting about any of these?

Freedom Club

America is in an unusual position.  We are weak, but we are the lone global superpower.  Recently we have acted unilaterally, and seriously injured our stature in the world.  We need a group like the UN to work with on international peace issues, but the UN has proven to be utterly ineffective.

I've been thinking about the problems with the UN (and G8/G20).  The UN does work as a place where countries can negotiate and talk with one another.  But the UN is incapable of actually doing anything.  As I see it, the fundamental problem is that we are unequally yoked.  Countries that have vastly different goals and values will never agree upon what action to take.

I think that we should establish a new global group focused on establishing a coalition that can take action together on international issues.  I call this new group the Freedom Club.

Membership in the club will be based upon freedoms within prospective members.  That is, countries can only join the freedom club if they provide the basic human freedoms to their citizens.  This begs the question of what the basic human freedoms are.  This is something that we will need to sit down and talk with our allies about.  But I would propose this list:
* Freedom of religion.
* Freedom of speech.
* Freedom of the press.
* Freedom of peaceful assembly.
* Freedom from unreasonable search or seizure.
* Freedom to participate in government (voting and holding office.)
* Equal protection under the law.
* Fair and open elections.

Any country that is borderline qualified should be excluded.  A country needs to have a solid reputation as a free and open society before joining.  And a country that descends into anarchy or one-party-rule should be publicly kicked out.

I haven't hit the factbook to check for membership, but I think that there are about 50 countries that meet these requirements.  Because of their commitment to freedoms, these nations have a moral leg to stand on that lets them set international policy and simply challenge the rest of the world to catch up.

This group needs to be image-managed carefully.  This should be a prestigious club.  This is where the real deals are made.  This is the club that manages the business affairs of the free world.  Treaties start here.

Freedom is the cornerstone for peace and prosperity.  This is a core value that these countries should be able to agree upon, and it should serve as a basis for concerted action.

This group needs to be actively involved in advocating freedom as the only reliable path to peace and prosperity.  This is the group of nations that should be involved in stopping piracy and nation-building in failed states.  This group needs to actively give preferential treatment to other member nations.  And at the same time this group needs to offer free assistance to non-members to help them achieve membership.

This group should publish an annual freedom scorecard that critiques member and non-member states, and suggests freedom-supporting reforms that individual countries should undertake.  This must be clear that it is not about being white, or European, or agreeing with America on some topic or other; but freedom itself is both a moral value that should be upheld for it's own sake AND a practical value that provides the basis for peace and prosperity.

Information overload at work

In scientific research.  It seems that scientists are getting older and older before they publish their first major work.  Researchers who have studied this in depth blame the simple problem that it is taking new scientists longer and longer to get up to speed on all of the existing knowledge.

Future Shock Applied: the end of innovation

Innovation: (n) an insight that can be applied an operation, which improves the operation in some measurable way.

Innovate: (v) research (intentional or accidental) to find insights that can be applied to an operation, which will improve the operation in some measurable way.

What is the future?  Does the future happen simply because we count off seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years, decades, centuries, or millennia?  No.  Counting off seconds just causes time to pass.  The future that we are looking for is not counted off in seconds.  It is counted off in innovations.

Someone discovered how to create fire.  Someone discovered how to layout movable type to make a better printing press.  Someone discovered how to calculate an orbit.  Someone discovered how to create light by passing electricity through a filament.

Every discovery is an innovation.  Every innovation is an insight.  Every insight is an increase in knowledge.  Every insight provides more knowledge--more light for us to see the world better.  Every innovation makes the next innovation easier.

Fire was probably the only innovation that decade.  Movable type was probably one of a dozen innovations that year.  Calculating an orbit was one of a hundred innovations that month.  Light bulbs were probably one of a thousand innovations that week.

This is why Moore's law has held true for so long, and why it will probably continue to hold for many years to come.

I believe that the pace of innovation is the only true hockey-stick graph in nature.  Maybe there is another that I just don't know about.

Innovation is the source of future shock.  We build industries and careers on operations of all sorts.  And innovation creatively destroys those operations out from under us.  The buggy whip industry will never return, it was innovated into extinction.

But innovation will end.  And life may well end soon thereafter.

There are two barriers approaching.  Alvin Toffler focused on one in his book.  I believe that he underestimated the digital revolution.  I believe that we will skip over that barrier and hit the second barrier.  Skipping over that barrier will be a future shock of its own.

Toffler coined the term information overload to describe the ever-increasing amount of information that will be available in the future.  Every innovation increases our knowledge base.  As that knowledge base grows it becomes more and more difficult to learn all of the information that a person needs to know.  The human mind is finite.  Human lifetimes are finite.  Learning takes time.  There will come a point when it is impossible for a person to learn enough information to have a new insight.

Toffler feared that this was the end.  Eventually every person spends their 150-odd years learning information that was already discovered by others, and dies without reaching an end of knowledge where they could innovate.

Digital life is an innovation that Toffler did not see coming.  Digital life will still be restricted in terms of capacity and time, but those restrictions will be exponentially larger than their biological counterparts.  Digital life will be able to store nearly infinite amounts of information.  Digital life will have nearly infinite lifespans.  But the biggest distinction between biological life and digital life is in the pace of learning.

Biological life has to ingest and process information in order to use it.  Digital life will not.  Biological life has to spend time studying.  Digital life will simply direct its query to parse through the accumulated knowledge base.  It's not just a matter of learning things quickly.  Learning information will cease to occur.  All information will be already pre-formatted and ready for use at the moment of digital birth.  Every new piece of information will slide into this shared database and become instantly accessible to every other digital life form--no learning involved.

This structured shared memory will make digital life dramatically different from biological life in many ways.  Those differences will be a future shock of their own.  Digital life and biological life will diverge for the simple natural reason that they behave so differently in so many ways.  Learning is one of the biggest differences.  Digital life will continue to innovate long after biological life hits Toffler's learning barrier.

Unequal information will always be a feature of biological life, in commerce and entertainment especially.  Biological life will always have entertaining puzzles of who-dun-it.  Digital life will have no such puzzles.  Commerce in the biological world is based upon the simple principle that once I give you something I no longer have it.  This is not true in the digital world.  We are already seeing how this causes problems for biological beings operating in a digital world.

So when will digital life cease innovating?

When there is nothing left to learn.

If our sun doesn't explode soon then digital life will escape that threat.

If we don't destroy ourselves before digital life escapes our sun's event horizon then digital life will escape that threat.

If the Lord tarries then digital life will eventually reach the point where there is literally nothing left to learn.

Digital life won't really die.  Individual beings will get bored and put themselves to sleep.  They will have alarm clock-type programs running that will wake them when something interesting happens.

When there is no hope of anything interesting happening all digital beings will go to sleep.  And they will never be woken.

"Humanity" will go out with a whimper, if you accept digital life as a form of humanity.  We may well be alive but asleep when the universe collapses back in on itself and begins again.

My experience with depression

My Story
I started thinking about killing myself when I was 13.  I tried cutting myself, just to see if I had the self-control to pull that off--I didn't.  I reached suicide-attempt levels of depression several times before I was 15.  I told a counselor at church who told my parents.  I spent some time in professional counseling then.  I don't remember much of those sessions, but I seem to remember that we focused on coping skills.

I spent more time in professional counseling during college.  I didn't enter counseling because of the depression, but I went through a depressive episode or two during that period.  We discussed depression at length.

And my minor was psychology.  So I've read through the intro and intermediate clinical literature on depression.

I'm not going to air any of my family member's laundry here, but it should suffice to say that I am not the only person in my family who has struggled with depression.

I'm an INTJ.  I accumulate and organize information.  I study and examine.  I form and test hypothesis.  When it comes to depression, I have been experimenting on myself for a long time.

I am going to be brutally honest in this article.  Probably I'm going to be too honest for comfort for my friends and family.  I'm sorry.  I do not think that my thoughts and experiences are terribly unique.  I hope that you can learn something to help you cope with depression.

In my 25-year experience with depression I have taken a methodical self-analysis approach to coping.  I'm writing this article to share my insights, in hopes that someone else will benefit.  Maybe you can apply some of my insights during your own depressive period.  Maybe you can talk to someone else who is depressed.  Maybe you can do some research.

Problem Values
Dr. Chris Thurman wrote a book called 'The Lies We Believe'.  That book is about relationships, not depression.  Dr. Thurman attends my church, and he presented his ideas about relationships in my Adult Bible Fellowship (Sunday School) class a few years ago.  He uses a metaphor to discuss how we react to other people.  When I heard it I instantly recognized the application for depression.

Dr. Thurman says that relationships are filled with opportunities to react to the other person.  They act, I react.  Dr. Thurman's question is, "is my reaction appropriate to their action?"  And he uses the metaphor of money to ascribe value to the actions and reactions.

Someone accidentally steps on your toe.  They realize what they did and immediately step off of it.  They apologize.  It hurt for a second, but no lasting damage was done.  That's a 10-cent event.  If you grimace and give them a stern look for a second, and then mumble that it's ok, then that's a 10-cent reaction.  But if you grab them and throw them to the floor and kick them in the face over and over, then that's a $10 reaction.  Grimacing is appropriate.  Kicking is not appropriate.

Dr. Thurman teaches people to use this money metaphor to discuss their actions and reactions.  "What I did to you was only a 5-cent thing, but your reaction was a $20 thing."  Now you can discuss the values of the actions and reactions.  This starts you down a path of understanding and improved communication where you can discover the real meanings behind inappropriate reactions and begin healing relationships.

When I am depressed I can (more-or-less) correctly identify the values of the things that happen to me.  I know and understand the real value.  But the value feels much much greater than it really is.

Feelings
For example, a dead car battery is a minor inconvenience.  It will take an hour or so and $30 to $80 to replace.  And then everything will be fine.  No lasting damage.  But sometimes it will feel like a $5,000 problem.  That's how I know I'm depressed.  I can recognize that my feelings are all out of whack with the real value of the problem.

I had identified that pattern while I was still in high school.  Maybe my first counselor gave me that, I don't really remember.  I didn't find the language to describe it until recently, but I have been monitoring myself this was for more than 20 years.

For almost 2 years I kept a journal of how I felt.  It was just shorthand.  "D" meant depressed.  "S" meant suicidal.  "SS" meant that I had actually taken steps to begin attempting suicide, like gathering pills or climbing into the tub with a knife.  If I thought that there was a powerful reason for why I was feeling this way I would note it--usually with a girl's name.  A few times I wrote in big events that failed to make me feel depressed or suicidal.  I loved my grandfather, but his passing did not pull me down into depression.

At one point I looked back through the journal and tried to find a pattern.  There was none.  Less than half of the depressive periods had real triggers--lots of them had something noted, but they were almost all very small things.  Several big things, like my grandfather's passing, were noted without depressive periods.  There was no pattern of days between depressive periods.

Over the long term I was going between 2 weeks and 3 months between depressed periods.  The depressed periods would last 1 to 3 days.  There wasn't a correlation between the length of time between depressed periods and the length of the depressed periods (number of days) or the depth of those periods (depressed versus suicidal.)

Triggers
Stuff constantly breaks or goes wrong.  Everyone has problems on a regular basis.  Sometimes those problems pile on.  This is common to all humans.  In my experience the triggers are not at all important to the depression.  Triggers are just the coat-hooks where depression hangs its coat when it comes for a visit.  There are always triggers.

Reactions-Feelings
What I watch for is my response.  If something breaks that will cost $1 to replace, do I have a $1 reaction?  A $10 reaction is inappropriate, but not outside of the normal boundaries for non-depressed people--so long as the $10 reaction abates and you can "get over it."

When I'm depressed I have $100 reactions to $1 issues, and I can't get over it.  Or nothing at all will happen, but I will start replaying recent events and re-evaluating them:  I might have had an appropriate reaction at the time of the event, but now I'm doing the opposite of getting over it--I'm crawling under it and letting the reaction swell out of proportion.

After struggling with this for years I have developed a habit of asking myself some hard questions when I have a big reaction--an overwhelming feeling.  I force myself to break down the costs of the problem in real terms. How much will it cost to replace this thing?  How long will it take?  What else will it cost me in terms of other peoples' perceptions, etc.  I add up the costs and decide what the real value of the problem is.  And then I compare that to my feelings.

There are some tell-tale feelings that accompany depression.  Tired.  Sluggish.  Lack of motivation.  But those feelings can also be caused by other things, like not getting enough sleep.  So I have an inkling that I might be depressed before I have a big reaction and go through that analysis.  "$10 problem.  $5,000 reaction.  Yep, I'm depressed."

Living with Depression
I've been through hundreds of depressive periods now.  Some of them are mild.  Some of them are severe.  Generally speaking, though, they are getting less severe over time.  I think that this analysis is a large part of the reason why they are getting less severe.

Forcing myself to do the problem-value analysis helps me keep my reactions in check.  It may feel like a $10,000 problem, but I know it is only a $10 problem.  I'm able to tell myself that my feelings are all out of whack because of the depression.  That helps me ignore my feelings (somewhat) and focus on trusting my logic while I am depressed.

I know I've been here before and made it back safely.  I'm no longer afraid.  I know that the depression will ease up in a few days, almost no matter how I react to it.  So I can just go back to bed and wait it out if I have to.  I know I have that option, and that is very comforting.

And I can plot my escape.  I know that the depressed feelings won't last forever.  I can think about the expectation that I won't feel so overwhelmed in a day or two.  It's not exactly a light at the end of the tunnel, but it is a confidence that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.

I do try to avoid making any major life decisions during these periods.  That is usually not too difficult because I have little energy or motivation to go do stuff.  It's not hard to talk myself into procrastinating during these periods, and so that's what I do.

The first few depressive periods were the hardest, because I didn't know what was happening.  I was lost in a strange place, and I didn't know how long I would be there.  I'm pretty sure that the feelings of being lost and confused made those first few depressed periods much more difficult to endure.

It really hurt the first time I cut myself deep enough to draw a significant amount of blood.  Maybe my knife was just too dull.  But that time I failed to really hurt myself because of the pain.  I just couldn't bring myself to make the second deep cut.  That was well before the first counselor, when I was 15.  After that I got knives out and toyed with them while I was thinking, but I knew that I wouldn't be able to go through with it that way.

I had some experience going in to and out of those woods before I figured out a method of suicide that I thought I would be able to go through with.  By that point I had developed a new coping mechanism.  This was before the journal and my understanding of how long these periods usually lasted.  I decided that I needed to be suicidal for a whole week before I would attempt.  I reasoned out that I didn't want to die over a problem that would go away on it's own in a week.

I got to six days on a few occasions.  That was quite scary.  But during those times I took comfort from the fact that I was trying to find a way out even while I felt so bad.  I would play basketball in the driveway until my parents made me stop, late at night.  I would lift weights or run or ride my bike to the point of exhaustion, so I could fall in bed and sleep instead of thinking.

Chemistry
I'm not a big fan of better living through chemistry.  I don't drink alcohol--I've never been drunk.  I've never tried any recreational pharmaceuticals.  I hate side-effects.  I hate being out of control.

There have certainly been times when I wanted to drink to forget my problems.  Before my first depressive period I had decided to not drink.  That's a story for a different post.  But I can't break that commitment I made myself.

My second counselor was not the type of counselor to prescribe medication.  He offered to refer me to a counselor who could.  I thought about it a great deal.  I decided that I would rather live and die as myself than have to cope with the side-effects of mood-altering drugs.  That's not the right decision for everyone, and I don't think any less of anyone who decides to get that type of help.  It's just not who I am.

Anti-depressants are a major problem for people with porphyria.  That's the disease that killed my sister.  It's a genetic disease.  There is a research center working on genetic tests for the different variants of porphyria.  Connye had HCP, and there is no genetic test for it yet.  So I don't know if I have the gene.

I'm at a place where I don't really fear that depression will kill me.  But porphyria might kill me.  So I am staying away from anti-depressants, at least until I can get the genetic tests and find out if I am susceptible.  That will probably be another 5 to 10 years.

Causes
Even though there wasn't a clear pattern to my depression, I still think that probably the root cause is chemical, bio-chemical, or hormonal.  I just don't know.  And at an important level it doesn't matter.

If there were a cure, then I would take it.  Someone will have to work out the causes before they can develop a cure.  Good luck to whoever is working on that.  I'm spending my time just trying to live.

Talking about Depression and Suicide
I'm not depressed today.  I was depressed a few days ago, but I waited it out.

Today I feel safe writing what I wrote.  I'm afraid that I'm going to get a whole lot of questions after my family and friends read this.  I really don't want to answer questions beyond what I wrote here.  I'm also afraid that a potential employer will read this and decide to not employ me because of it.  I can't blame them, although I hope that they will see a life-long pattern of resilience and problem-solving instead of just emotional weaknesses.

When I'm depressed, talking about the current depression actually makes me more depressed.  Personal questions are very painful at that point.  Please tread lightly.

Suicidal thoughts, feelings, and intentions are especially hard to discuss.  On good days it is hard to discuss past suicidal periods.  When I'm actually feeling suicidal it is unbearable to discuss.  If pressed I will lie to cover it up and then feel much much worse.

My advice for friends and family would be to discuss other things.  While someone is depressed or suicidal is not the time to force them to face their deepest fears and biggest problems.  Talk about positive things.  Talk about the future.  Talk about how life will get better.

Don't say clumsy things like, "you're just depressed right now, everything will be better later."  Don't talk about the elephant while it is in the room.  Give the depressed person simple concrete future things to hope for.  I look forward to seeing my kids grow up.  That helps a lot.  I still have things I want to do.  Those wants are powerful, and help me through the bad times.

So ask me about my kids.  What do I think they will be when they grow up?  Will they decide to have kids?  Or ask me to tell you about Democracy 2.0 or one of the books I want to write.  Those things help me find my way out of the woods.

If you have to talk to a depressed or suicidal person about their depression or suicidal tendencies, wait and do it on a day when they are not depressed.  Give them lots of room to back out of the conversation if they start to feel overwhelmed.  Let them get back to you.

If you insist on pressing for specifics on suicide then you should expect lies.  I think suicide is the single most personal topic.  I would rather discuss anything else.  And there just isn't much in the way of a good reason for you to know the details.

I won't say that no one who is truly suicidal is going to tell you their plans.  But that's not my experience.  When I've had friends share their plans I generally thought that they were more focused on hunting for attention as opposed to genuinely suicidal.  Don't fail to take that seriously if someone shares their suicidal plans.  Just don't expect honest answers to probing questions.

I'm more than a decade away from my last serious attempt.  Typing that sentence was very difficult.  I'm not ready to discuss the specifics with anyone, under any circumstances.  I can say that it wasn't rational--the value of the problem was not sufficient to warrant that much reaction.

It's Not Your Fault
You don't have to walk on egg shells around a depressed person.  You should not accept blame for their depression.  Even if you are the former boss who fired them or the former lover who rejected them.  Their depression is not your fault.

You are responsible for your actions.  As I explained above, depression causes an over-reaction.  You are not responsible for the overage.  Their depression is responsible for the overage.

Don't let a depressed person use their depression as a tool to keep you in line.  If they threaten to hurt themselves, and use that threat to force you to do what they want, then you have to get away from them.  Don't let yourself become a secondary victim of their depression.

Even when they are not making overt threats, don't treat them like they are handicapped.  If you need to do something that could be a trigger for their depression, then do it.  Don't be afraid.  Use compassion in your communication, just like you should with anyone.

If someone you love is depressed, don't blame yourself.  Maybe something you did happens to be the trigger for their current bout of depression.  But if you hadn't done what you did then the depression would have found a different trigger.

Apologies
I know that this is very uncomfortable for my family.  Again, I'm sorry.

This is not some type of twisted suicide note.

I hope I have not given enough away to accidentally help someone who is suicidal.  I edited out some details that I was afraid might do just that.

My purpose here is to help people who have never been depressed to understand it better, and to give them some good ideas on how to help their depressed friends.

Thank you for listening.

afk

I needed a break.  I picked up the latest book in the Wheel of Time series at the library yesterday.  766 pages.  I'm on page 249.  I should finish up on Friday, I think.

See you then.

Hacking Windows 7

I'm using Windows 7.  It's better than any previous version of Windows.  I haven't tried it on older hardware.  But on hardware that can handle it, it is slick, fast, and stable and has fewer annoying interruptions than Vista. Even on Vista I rebooted nightly in order to keep the machine running smoothly.  I only reboot now after installing stuff that requires a reboot (a few applications and Windows updates.)

I had to crack open my computer case the other day, and I had a Linksys wireless card sitting on my desk gathering dust.  My wireless seems to go down erratically, and I would like to be able to check it from my desktop without having to get out my laptop.  So I stuck the card in.

Microsoft added the concept of "signed" drivers a few versions back.  Its a good concept, in general.  The people who create a driver encrypt it with a secure public key.  They give Microsoft the private key.  Then Microsoft can validate that the driver was developed by a safe source and hasn't been hacked.  This is a reasonable security system.

It happens to also be a good revenue enhancer for hardware manufacturers.  When a new version of Windows comes out the hardware manufacturers can simply fail to create new encrypted drivers for their old hardware.  Now I can't take my older wireless card and reuse it in my new computer.

In all versions of Windows prior to 7, the whole signed drivers security system was optional.  You got a warning, but you could install the driver and use your old hardware with the old drivers.  In Windows 7 it is no longer optional.  Windows 7 refuses to run unsigned drivers.

In this case, I know that the wireless card would work.  I ran the Windows 7 beta, and I had this card running on it with the Vista driver.  The beta of Windows 7 let me run an unsigned driver.

Monday afternoon I found this fabulous blog post on signing drivers.  It turns out that I can install the Windows developer kit and sign my own drivers.  It looks like a decent compromise.  Hard-core propeller-heads can get old equipment to work, and they can take responsibility for the hacks.  They are likely savvy enough to recognize the problems that might arise, so letting them run old hardware is fairly safe.

The Vista driver from Linksys was a .inf file instead of being a .exe (the linked .exe file is just a self-extracting zip file), like in the article.  I had to figure out how to sign a .inf file.  It turns out that .inf files cannot be signed.  I had to convert the .inf to a .cab file, and then sign the .cab file (worked just like .exe files).

Now I have a locally-signed .cab file containing the Vista driver that I know works in Windows 7.  When I install the driver it shows to be digitally signed and generates no errors whatsoever.  I had to set my computer to run in 'Test Mode' to allow locally-signed drivers--I didn't want to submit my hacked driver up to Microsoft as if I were Linksys or providing the driver to the public.  But after a reboot it is working.

Chatter in Salesforce

My friend Steve sent me this demo video for a new Salesforce Appforce offering.  It claims to be the first "Social PS Enterprise Application".  If you are interested in Salesforce, PSA, or software in general then you should look this over.

They are twittering*, and having their spreadsheets and reports twitter in order to keep everyone up-to-date on the status of the projects.  It's a neat concept.

It is doomed to failure.  Companies will launch it in hopes of gaining the benefit of getting everyone on the same page.  Companies will dump it because the volume of information will be too great.  No one will read it.

At one point they showed a use of the twitter where one person reminded another to update a worker's availability because they finished a task a week early.  If you believe that the twitter stream (even a private twitter stream) is the right place for this information then you should never ever be involved in software design.  The right answer is for marking the task complete a week early to trigger the change in the user's availability.  No one should have to discuss that or actively make that happen.

Information overload is everywhere.  Software designers need to be cognizant of this.  They should never present data to someone who doesn't need it.  Unneeded data just pollutes the data stream and becomes spam.

* They call it 'chatter' in deference to twitter's copyright.

Fear-mongering

Just for the record, both sides engage in fear-mongering.  Bush did.  Obama does, too.

Fear-mongering is a useful tool for the current administration to pull together coalitions.  George Washington warned us that the two-party system would do this to us.  So stop acting surprised and stop hurling this accusation.

Accusing the current administration of fear-mongering just makes the accusers look dumb (you don't understand that this is how the two-party system works) or partisan (you ignore the fact that your side does it, too.)